If only I was NOT myself…

Is it wrong to expect ? I expected to expect without any room for reasoning. I also expected  but, it seems as if it’s a dream.

I feel a bit frustrated at myself for being so naive and believing people for who they say they are. I can not believe you anymore.

Life is illusion, everything is not what it seems. It’s not clear as a crystal, I think it’s rather hazy. Truth be told its making me bit dizzy. Nothing is good and nothing is bad it’s all a perception of what we interpreted it to be.

What you say about me is actually what you are saying about yourself. You are reveling the real you everyday. Every time you open your mouth its ugly just like your face and your dark souls that is constantly screaming and trying to burn mine

I used to have this idea of life. it went a little like this, My life is a mirror. The reflection of who i am is staring right at me. I am undoubtedly mistaken for that making that my own perception. The life that was staring at me was ugly,rude,drunk and full on bad mouthed.

ps; Its been a long time since I have been back it feels good to write a bunch of nonsense nobody will ever read. Yet releasing it out to the world to see whats on my mind absolutely raw and not even edited.



I do not know what it is …. but only what i feel…

But the only thing that will comfort me is a hug form you because it the warmest and I seem to fit perfectly into your arms.

The only thing I want is to…hold on to your hands interlaced with mine, is to squeeze them really hard, is to feel the pressure of your hand compressing against mine.

The things I miss is eating out with you,or dressing up and going for shopping really only coming back with chocolates, watching that one show you like resting my head on you while we cuddled in bed, Falling asleep on your bare chest,randomly hold you in my arms just feeling amazed at the feeling. The feeling of the heart and the stomach put together. The feeling that it was jut the best place be and the best feeling to feel.

I still remember the way you  look at me, and the way my stomach whirls when you are with me. I think I can wait till I see you next, waiting is  a hard thing.

I just learned to Nod…. & Respect !

I think that opinions  are not up for a debate.Opinions are not debatable. Its not stated as fact but rather a insight of of unique individual. It other wise know as a perspective. Opinions are very valuable. If your opinion is not respected,  then do not give it out freely. Peace !

expecting exceptions…

Every once in a while we all run across this in our lives, the time where we expected things to be or run a certain way. Most obviously our minds are better at painting our own mental pictures. Which is most likely better than the reality anyway. Cautions to all that expect their own mental picture to become reality. You might be stirring a recipe  for disappointment. Living with a disappointment in your life can be really rough. Then you have to let go of that whole experience of things not going your way. Unless you like gray clouds hanging from over your head pouring down heavily. That’s right, I wouldn’t want that for anyone either. Well lets just say life isn’t perfect butter cup ! Its bound to  throw you rough soft balls at you. Its up to you whether you want to get hit by them or, if you rather just dust yourself off, put on your glove and catch it.In other words learn to accept that the reality was different from what you really wanted. Life gives us experience that are meant to come to us and give us lessons. Even though it may be difficult letting things go can provide great relive to the mind and restore you’re inner peace. On the positive side, the side that I intend to live on you can use it as a experience that will help you grow and its something you can learn from definitely.  – late night thoughts

You will never know

What you can discover when do not let your mind control you.

When you let go of  the fear that makes you so low it almost makes you sick.

You might not like to know that sometimes the most uncomfortable places where your soul goes is guided by your heart and your mind already knows the way.

Many times the most uncomfortable pieces of life turn out to be the best parts of our lives we never lived, until that time comes we realize that time will be over and become the past. Which will then follow on to become a constant re played memory.